Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
