his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
