she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
