Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
bring money and cleavage
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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