but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
