Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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