Sponge bath it is.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
