He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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