"it" just moved
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
