too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
