Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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