you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i out mim tonsoeep
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