pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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