mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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