I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
