Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
