My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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