PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
