if only i could text you this smell
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
so much tequila, so little girl.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
