How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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