I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
