so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
