; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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