I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
