Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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