Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
