I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
