then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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