she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
handjob tips. give me some.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize
