I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
