He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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