Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
