Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just gargled with NyQuil
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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