my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
