New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
