the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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