I want to walk on stilts...naked
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
