You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
