I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
