Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
