im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
