i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
