me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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