Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
