oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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