Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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