I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
