He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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