Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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