im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
