Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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