But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
