Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
