Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
