I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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