he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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