the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I supernannyed him into submission
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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