I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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