so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
