So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
