Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
