sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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