My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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