So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize