I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
