Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
