I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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