i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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