you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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