so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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