I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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