No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
