Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize