I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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