he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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