Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
