I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
