I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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