He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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