If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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