You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
