Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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