My friends, they love my intelligence
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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