do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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