I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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