he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
