I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
ttyl tear gas
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
