you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
